The Authoritative Conservative-to-English Dictionary
Nov 28, 2011

The Authoritative Conservative-to-English Dictionary

Conservative-speak can be confusing for the less practice ear. I know, I know, it sounds like English, but perhaps it is just a different dialect? And it just all sounds so good; surely fixing the deficit, creating jobs, and promoting freedom and democracy is a good thing?

To aid in translation of Conservative-speak, I thus present the Authoritative, Limited Edition, Conservative-to-English Dictionary, from Austerity to Zygote:

ConservativeEnglish
AusterityCut programs that help poor people
Boost the EconomyCut taxes for the rich
Create JobsCut taxes for the rich
DefenseBomb Muslims
End Big GovernmentCut programs that help poor people / Cut taxes for rich people / Gay people can't marry
Deficit Reduction

Education Reform
Cut programs that help poor people

Cut programs that help poor people
Family ValuesGay people can't have a family
Fiscal ResponsibilityCut programs that help poor people
Fix HealthcareCut programs that help poor people
FreedomCut taxes for the rich / Gay people can't marry
Free MarketsNo taxes for the rich
Free Speech

For the Children


Illegal Immigrant
Unlimited unpublished campaign donations from corporations

Gay people can't have a family / Cut programs that help poor people / Cut taxes for rich people / Bomb Muslims

Hispanic Person
LibertariansRight about cutting taxes for the rich and spending for poor people, but wrong about not bombing Muslims
Liberty

Medical Care

Murdering Innocents
Gay people can't marry

Women can't get medical care for abortions

Abortion
PatriotismBe happy bombing Muslims
Political Correctness

Poor people

Profiling
Not being allowed to say bigoted things

Black people

Only arrest or harass Black/Hispanic/Muslim people
Promote Democracy

Religious Liberty
Bomb Muslims

Homophobia and sexism should be celebrated
Right to WorkPeople are not allowed to work in strong unions
SecurityBomb Muslims
StimulusCut taxes for the rich
Support the troopsBe happy bombing Muslims
Terrorists

Welfare Queens
Muslims who should be bombed

Black people
ZygoteA living human being with more rights than gays, women or Muslims

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You forgot that zygotes also have more rights than women.

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